March 2006
Greetings to all my LRRP/Ranger brothers from Nebraskaland. We have had a most temperate winter this year. It has been the warmest January on record. As I write this we have a very large winter storm coming our way.
When I began writing ‘The Corner’ after our reunion in Dallas, I felt very strongly it was imperative to have a very focused evangelistic thrust. My one desire was to see many of my brothers in arms come to know my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, as their personal savior. I saw this as my responsibility to sew the seeds of evangelism. At times I have wondered if anyone even reads the articles, but realize this is not my responsibility; it is the Holy Spirit’s.
Having said all of this, I would like to tell you all of my travels over the last 30 years. I floundered quite badly when I first came home from RVN. My Step-father had been one of the top stock car drivers in the tri-state area here. I fantasized about making it down south to race on the NASCAR circuit, but God had other plans. I realize now how I was channeling my desire for adrenaline discovered in RVN into a race car. I ran on the ragged edge from Jan 70 when I arrived home, to April 74 when I was confronted by the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I hardly had ever attended church, and didn’t know anything of what the gospel meant. When I said yes to the gospel and accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour, my new life began. What Adam had destroyed in the Garden of Eden, Jesus Christ restored in his death, burial and resurrection. That being the restoration between my spirit with the Holy Spirit which indwelt me at that moment. I felt as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from my back. My sins were forgiven, I was a new creature created in Christ Jesus.
For the last 30+ years the Lord has been cleaning my up, from the inside out. There are days when I commune with the Spirit, and there are days when the ‘beast’ has preeminence. The bible says in John 8:36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. What does this mean? Philippians 1:6 says, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Let me try to explain with this:
When we entered the military, we had to go through much training to become soldiers who could be trusted to carry out the mission. It was true in my life, I desired to be successful. I desired to obtain the approval of my superiors. Some of the hardest things I went through were selected for me. True, I volunteered for the LRRPs, however, I was somewhat naïve to the extent of the mission. Then came RECONDO School. When we arrived in Nha Trang I was lean and could hump a ruck all day. I did not possess the conditioning needed there, but I couldn’t let my unit down, so I sucked it up and drove on. I bet right now you are wondering where in the world are you going with this?
Please bear with me. It was through some of the most demanding training I have ever experienced, that allowed me to be the soldier I was to become. The Christian walk is very similar. When one becomes born again (as Jesus had told Nicodemus in John 3:3) God begins to clean us up from the inside out. In order for a Christian to overcome their sins, God selects trials specifically designed to purge us. It is very scary, I will tell you that, but as you move through these trials and the baggage drops off, the walk becomes lighter.
I am in the midst of a trial right now that is coming up on one year. I have good days, and quite frankly I have some that are not so good. Why am I sharing this? Because I know that every one of you are exactly as I am. We all have set up survival mechanisms in order to survive. Life is hard and one thing is for sure, it isn’t fair. Some of my closest and dearest friend’s lives have been made extremely difficult because of PTSD. I am sure if I were screened, I have it too. Am I too good to go for counseling? No, this is an area where I fear the diagnosis more than the disease. Don’t ask my why? But slowly the Lord is showing me, I can trust him. He loves me and his word says that he will never leave me or forsake me. He also has promised that he will not put me through more than I can handle. I must interject right here that I do not negatively view those who have or are currently in PTSD counseling. There are some very outstanding programs out there to help us. Having said this, man can only help us cope. God can free us from the baggage. I know I compartmentalized the terror and the hurts that came from losing those close to me and so did you. We all do this to hide the hurts that life brings us, but the ugly is still inside. This is what we need to be freed from. The voices, the dreams, the loud noises that trigger that flight or fight reaction. You all know of which I speak.
I hope by being more transparent in this ‘Corner’ that someone can see there is light. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the light. No man cometh to the Father, but by me.” You see the previous statement? Jesus is not the way of many ways, he is the only way. When he was on the cross, you were on his mind. He already paid for all of your sins, so why don’t you just pause and consider where you stand with relation to God’s Son. I am not talking of religion, nor am I talking of the tradition of man. I am talking of the God who is the creator of the universe. The same God shed his pure spotless blood so that we can have eternal life. Questions, call. Where there is life there is hope. RLTW